Real Life | Tim & Riley
Tim & Riley* were aged just eight and nine when they needed our support. Scroll down to find out how we helped their whole family.
TIM & RILEY
Background
Tim and Riley* are eight and nine years old. They are both on the autistic spectrum and awaiting diagnosis. Both children reported being fearful of their father.
Tim said: “Mummy starts fights with Daddy and Daddy fights back.” He also said he was worried about not seeing his daddy ever again. One My CWA staff member asked him if he got on with his dad and he replied: “Yes.”
Situation
The family were referred to My CWA following a police incident, during which Mum initially assaulted Dad. During the same incident, Dad strangled Mum. Tim was present and watched the whole incident from the stairs.
There had been previous police incidents in which Dad had strangled Mum. At the time of the referral, Dad was living in temporary accommodation away from the family home.
Both children were on a child protection plans and Dad was having supervised contact.
How we helped
Mum and Dad both attended My CWA behaviour change programmes. They were assessed to determine the type of abuse in their relationships and to ensure that each account matched.
It was clear that there was no power and control in the relationship from either party. The couple had both perpetrated situational couple violence.
Additional pressures on the family included financial worries and Tim’s disclosure that he had been the victim of sexual abuse perpetrated by his uncle – who had also abused Mum when she was a child.
We helped them access debt support and referred Mum to the rape and sexual abuse support centre (RASASC) so she could get support for her experience.
Dad was assessed to be low pathology in terms of his harmful behaviour. He doesn’t use violence to solve problems in wider society and he has not perpetrated other crimes.
During support, Mum and Dad made the decision for Mum to make a statement to police in respect of sexual abuse – and support Tim to do the same. We worked closely with children’s social care to support their plan for Dad to be returned gradually into the family home.
This included regularly checking in with both Dad and Mum to see how they were managing overnight stays and appointing a family member to support the couple with maintaining healthy behaviours.
Both Tim and Riley were referred for iCreate children’s domestic abuse recovery work, which is specifically designed for children and young people with autism.
This gave them an extended period of around 16 weeks’ support. In their case, we decided that both children would benefit from receiving the support on a one-to-one basis.
The future
Dad is now living full time in the family home. Both parents have shown huge commitment and engagement in the work they’ve completed. Both parents have shown they can change and communication between them has improved considerably.
Mum and Dad can now apply what they’ve learned directly to their own experiences. They feel confident in communicating effectively and managing their responses to conflict. There have been no reported new incidents and a safety network is in place to support them with sustained change.
Tim has made a statement to police regarding his experience of sexual abuse and this is being investigated. Both children have made disclosures about being bullied at school, which have been followed up so that they can receive appropriate support.
Mum feels that her experiences of sexual abuse have been validated and she’s finally able to access support for this. Tim knows that the police are aware of what happened to him and that he doesn’t have to see his uncle again.
Our whole family service has helped this family to work together towards a brighter, happier future.
*Names changed to protect the identity of our service users.