Dark Sides to Dating
You can download this resource as pdf here.
What are Relationships?
A relationship is an emotional connection between you and other people.
There are many different types of relationships, which can be healthy or unhealthy.
You might have relationships with your…
Family Members - mums, dads, grandmas, grandads, aunts, uncles, sisters and brothers
Friends - others your age, peers at school.
Romantic Partners - boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, husbands, wives.
Acquaintances - someone you know but wouldn’t describe as a friend.
We can tell whether or not our relationships are healthy or unhealthy by their characteristics.
Healthy relationships involve respect, trust and consideration for eachother.
Unhealthy relationships involve things like mistreatment, disrespect, intense jealousy, controlling behaviours and/or physical violence.
Abuse can happen in all different types of relationships.
Healthy Relationship
Mutual respect
In healthy relationships, you value each other and respect each other's boundaries.
Trust
Healthy relationships involve being trusted and being trustworthy. You give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Good communication
Within healthy relationships, you'll be able to speak honestly and openly to avoid miscommunication.
Individuality
You shouldn't have to compromise who you are. In healthy relationships, you accept people for who they are and they do the same.
Unhealthy Relationship
Disrespect
In an unhealthy relationship, one partner might not value the other or respect their boundaries. In some cases, this applies to both partners.
Distrust
Trust issues might involve one or both partners not trusting the other trustworthy way. or not behaving in a trustworthy way.
Miscommunication
When miscommunication happens, problems or issues aren't discussed openly and honestly. There might be Or issues might not be discussed at all.
Co-dependence
Within unhealthy relationships one or both partners might feel a lack of freedom to express individuality. They might feel unable to be themselves.
Abuse
Verbal
If your partner has ever used language to hurt you shouting, giving you the silent treatment, swearing or threatening you they've verbally abused you.
Emotional
If your partner has ever manipulated you, humiliated you or made you feel scared of leaving them, they could be emotionally abusing you.
Financial
If your partner controls your finances, stops you from earning or forces you to depend on them financially, it's likely you're being financially abused.
Physical
Physical abuse usually forms part of an ongoing pattern of controlling behaviour. It rarely happens as a one-off when a partner lashes out without warning.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse includes any form of sexual activity (involving physical contact, words or photos) that takes place without the other person's consent.
What is Physical Abuse?
When someone is hurting you or another person. This could be with their hands, their feet or an object.
Some examples of physical abuse are:
Hitting, smacking or slapping you
Punching or kicking you
Using objects to hit, burn or harm you
Pinching, scratching or biting you
Shaking or suffocating you
Scalding or burning you
Pulling your hair
Spitting or throwing things at you
Making you swallow something that hurts or makes you feel ill, including giving you medicine when you're not ill or don't need it
These are just examples, but if someone's behaviour doesn't feel right to your it could be physically abusive
What is Emotional Abuse?
Behaviour that is psychologically harmful, rather than physically harmful. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism, to intimidation and manipulation.
Emotional abuse can include things like....
Calling you names or putting you down
Shouting at you even though you haven't done anything wrong
Ignoring you or leaving you out of things
Saying or doing things that make you feel bad about yourself
Making you take responsibility for things you shouldn't have to do until you're older
Trying to control you
Putting pressure on you to do things you're not ready to do
Treating you differently to other people
Putting you in dangerous situations
Stopping you from having friends
What is Sexual Abuse?
"The use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any individual to engage in or assist any other person to engage in any sexually explicit conduct."
Sexual abuse can include...
Any unwanted touching
Forced sexual activity (oral, anal or vaginal)
Sexually-orientated insults
Unwanted painful or degrading acts during intercourse
Forced photography or prostitution
Incest (sexual acts with immediate family members)
Engaging in sexual activity with you while you're too drunk/high to consent
The Importance of Consent in Romantic Relationships
Consent occurs when one person voluntarily agrees to a proposal or desire from another person.
It's a commonly used word, but it may have more specific definitions in areas such as the law, medicine, research and sexual relationships.
If you're unsure about consent, remember:
When asking for consent, no means no
Saying yes to one thing doesn't mean consenting to other things
Consenting once doesn't mean you have to consent again
If someone doesn't respond with a yes or no, it's better to assume they haven't consented
Everyone has the right to change their mind even if they've already started doing something
Someone under 16 cannot legally give consent to sexual acts
Keeping Safe in Unhealthy Relationships
If you're in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, figuring out the next step can be really difficult. You have feelings for this person and have developed a history with them. It isn't always as easy or straightforward as walking away, no hard feelings.
Try to focus on the future, not the peat Will you be happy with them? Will you be able to achieve your goals? Will you feel sale? Whatever decision you make there are things you can do to help you plars for your safety
If you decide to stay, make sure you're honest with yourself about the decision. While an unhealthy relationship can become healthy with enough time and dedication, D unrealistic to think you can fox' an abusive relationship
You can only change your own behaviour-not your partner's. Nobody deserves to be abused. If you don't want to leave-of you're not ready yet-make sure you have a good friend or family member that will listen and support you no matter what.
Preparing for a Break Up
You may decide you want to move on from your relationship or you may feel pressured from other people to break up and move on, but it's not always that simple.
The person you're dating has probably become a huge part of your life, so being scared about feeling lonely is normal. Talking to your friends or finding new activities can make filling your new free time easier.
You'll probably miss your partner after you break up. Maybe a lot. It's normal. Try writing down your reasons for ending the relationship as a reminder for later on.
If ending your relationship feels frightening, take that fear seriously and make sure you're safe.
Breaking Up
Ending an unhealthy or abusive relationship isn't like ending a healthy one. If you're thinking of ending your relationship, remember:
If you don't feel safe, don't break up in person. It might seem cruel to break up over the phone or by text, but it could be the safest way.
If you break up in person, do it in a public place. Have friends or your parents wait nearby and take your phone with you.
If your ex comes to your house, don't go to the door.
Trust you instincts. If you feel afraid, there's probably a good reason for that.
Ask for help. Chat with someone who is trained to answer your questions.
After Break Up
The risk of violence doesn't necessarily end when your unhealthy or abusive relationship is over. To stay safe after ending your relationship, remember to:
Talk to your family, friends and parents so they can support you.
Avoid isolated areas at school and local hangouts. Try not to walk alone or wear earphones.
Call 999 if you feel like you're in immediate danger.
Memorise important phone numbers in case you don't have access to your own phone.
Important Messages
It's not ok for anyone to hurt or frighten you or anyone in your family.
It's always ok to tell someone you trust if you're worried or frightened.
It's always ok to keep yourself safe if you're afraid.
